So as I have said before. My aunt is in the last moments of her life right now. She has lost her appetite, it is hard to swallow, she is having pain no one can logically account for. It is coming to a destined end. With this statement reread by myself I find it rather callous and cold. What I have just typed is pure fact, unfeeling and unattached, it is what is happening and nothing else. But it is not what I feel. I just hope that she will not suffer too much longer and I know that that is the best that I can hope for. She has lived a long life and she has people here now who love her and want what is best. This woman is the last link my mother has to her childhood, and the last that I have to my mothers family and the matriarchy. I can't describe to you how I feel, there doesn't seem to be words to describe this. I suppose it is natural, that grief has it's steps and that this is just one of them if you believe that sort of thing. I've tried to call the people I think would want to be here to say goodbye and I hope that they either come around and do get that chance... or do whatever they think is right. I can't really do anything more that that, can I? This is all very heartbreaking for me (and other people of course, I am not alone in this), and I have tried my best not to cry in front of my aunt so that she doesn't become more distressed.
We had a bad episode this morning, and she told me some things that are making me think. And bloody hell i still sound very selfcentered when I write don't I?! I could say I don't want her to die, which is the truest thing I have ever said and meant. But it's not something that can be stopped. and here I am just rambling, with tears in my eyes, so I think I'm just going to leave this as is get some rest and do the things that need to be done tomorrow. I hope you are better than I.
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