How to be a more original self

I am always a lot more articulate and "smart" in my head. When I give myself the opportunity to write things down, as you can see from previous posts, they don't always go well together. I have focused more on the lives of the people around me for so long that I don't really stop to think that often about my own opinions or wants. I started nursing school years ago because my mother was on my back to "get an education and a real job", and my dad picked up that idea and ran with it. SO that's what I did. I studied my ass off and made the grades I needed to make, but didn't finish, obviously. Now I don't know if I actually enjoyed any part of the school while I was in it because I was so worried about living up to someone else's expectation of me. Granted: they are my parents, so they do weigh a little more heavily than say a cousin, but still. I don't think it's something I wanted to do. Now, I'm a management major. It's almost like the liberal arts of business degrees. You learn a little bit about a whole lot of things. I'm not looking to quit school, and I'm fine with what life experience I've had so far, but it all just seems at this moment to not be leading anywhere. I'm filled with a lot of anxiety about finding work after I graduate. I can't go back to waiting tables because I was left with a back injury after a car accident. So honestly, there is nothing to fall back on. And if I fall forward, what then? You do not make a career out of answering the phones in a doctor's office. So I'm trying to figure out what makes me happy. What are the things I like to do, not because they are the things that I always do with other people or have to do, but actually like? I have no idea.

I've always had a need to feed my interests by the knowledge of the people around me. When I am around painters, I paint more often. When someone brings up a book they read, I go buy it. I stopped playing video games years and years and many, many years ago, so that's not really my thing. And the last time I watched television religiously Buffy was still spitting out a new episode every week. I'm maybe the only person in the world who doesn't live in NYC that gets bored with NYC.I don't have a fallback plan because that would mean I have a goal in mind in the first place. You probably think all I need is some guidance, but the problem is pretty much that that's all I've had, no interests were really encouraged. I told my mom I wanted to go to art school, she said she wasn't going to pay for it. I get accepted to a sound engineering school, again... not going to pay for it. So I take one year off to take a break, and one year turns into three, and again, I start school because I was told to. Then everything with my family goes all haywire and I find myself in the middle of becoming the caregiver in one way or another for every person in my daily life. It's not just me saying that, they all know it too. So now that that seems to be changing, I don't know what makes me, me. I don't know what my goals are, because they have always been someone elses' goals for me.